Baby Proof Read online

  Praise for Baby Proof

  “[A] wry twist on the classic relationship deal-breaker.”

  —The New York Times

  “When it comes to writing stories that resonate with real women, bestselling author Emily Giffin has hit her stride. [Baby Proof] examines the great lengths people go for each other, and is filled with great female characters.”

  —San Francisco Chronicle

  “Thoughtful…The idea that someone, especially a woman, might sincerely just not want to have children is a stubborn taboo. Giffin carefully navigates its implications, drawing Claudia as both painfully self-aware and prone to bouts of romantic naiveté…[and] paints [her] heartbreak at losing Ben with sensitivity and grace.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “Profound, humorous, and reveals layers about a woman’s deepest desires.”

  —Arizona Republic

  “Thought-provoking…a meditation on our culture’s focus on parenthood and family.”

  —The Washington Post

  “Giffin’s easy flow lets you relate immediately to her characters, and even if you can’t identify with the parenthood question, Claudia’s crisis resonates. Giffin captures the experience of being thirtysomething particularly well—as she did with the twentysomethings of her last two novels.”

  —Miami Herald

  “[Baby Proof] is by turns a funny and serious exploration of how difficult it can be, even in this age of choice, to choose the childless path.”

  —Hartford Courant

  “A sometimes funny, always thoughtful exploration about how life sometimes has other plans for us than the ones we make for ourselves.”

  —Library Journal

  “By avoiding easy answers, Giffin once again proves she’s one of the best…in this thoughtful, layered, and wholly original story of a woman facing a major choice in her life.”

  —Booklist

  “Immensely refreshing…challenging [and] thought-provoking.”

  —Pages magazine

  “Emily Giffin keeps you in suspense until the last possible moments, which makes for a page-turning and quick read. If you’ve ever had doubts about having children or have decided not to have them, you should see some part of yourself reflected in this novel.”

  —Richmond Times-Dispatch

  “Smart, witty. Makes an intriguing story…a cut above.”

  —The Seattle Times

  “Emily Giffin [is a] creator of characters so real and so enthrallingly flawed that people sometimes forget they are fictional. [Baby Proof] is…complicated and unexpected.”

  —The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

  “This take on contemporary relationships asks whether a childless-by-choice marriage is selfish, then moves on to fallout for philandering spouses, infertility, problem parents, and the challenge of seemingly irredeemable mistakes. Thought-provoking…this is a ‘chick’ book that both hens and roosters might enjoy together.”

  —The Dallas Morning News

  “What if it was decided—way before the first vow was ever exchanged—that the marriage wouldn’t include children? And then one of the partners has a change of heart? That’s the compelling topic that…Emily Giffin explores wonderfully in Baby Proof. The publisher is promoting the novel as ‘at its core, a love story.’ But it is so much more…one with a weighty topic that deserves its due in a society that all too often assumes sanctimoniously that every woman must do it all.”

  —The Columbus Dispatch

  “Emily Giffin explores the awesome power of a love too real to give up. Wonderful characters…and unbeatable prose.”

  —The Oakland Tribune

  “The empathetic heroine who has misgivings about the ‘proper’ path for a young woman recurs throughout Giffin’s novels, building surprising character complexity and bucking the Cosmopolitan-sipping simplicity afforded the Chick Lit genre in general.”

  —Atlanta magazine

  “Giffin’s introspective and moving love story is an ode to those who take the road less traveled.”

  —The Atlantan

  “Emily Giffin delivers a warm, witty story about a perfect couple who suddenly finds themselves at odds over the decision to have children. A must-read for any woman, mother or not.”

  —Jezebel magazine

  “Emily Giffin has proven herself as a master storyteller and writer. Though Baby Proof entertains with its relationship drama, it also digs deep into the more serious issue of exactly what it means to choose not to have children. It raises important questions about how we, as women, define ourselves. More importantly, Giffin’s heartfelt novel forces people to contemplate the reality of making sacrifices for the ones we love most.”

  —Woodbury magazine

  “Bestselling author Emily Giffin is a savant of unsympathetic situations, effortlessly bringing depth and humanity to flawed heroines. There are no easy answers in this achingly honest exploration of whether there’s such a thing as a ‘deal-breaker’ in true love. What you do get are dynamic characters…organic, layered storytelling…and an ending guaranteed to have Giffin’s legions of female fans talking.”

  —Edmonton Journal

  “To every narcissistic or self-serving impulse presented as a reason to have children, Claudia has a rational, well thought out reason not to. Giffin does a good job of showing that it’s ridiculous to try to convince anyone who chooses not to have children that she should…. We want to find out what happens to [Claudia], which options she takes and which she eliminates, or worse, which options pass her by because of her indecision. This is…beyond escapism: It can reexamine the choices traditionally presented as inevitable and leading to utter happiness, the situations that, when undertaken blindly, often lead to misery.”

  —Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

  “Offers multiple and complex perspectives on the crazy experiment that is parenting.”

  —Daily Candy

  “Impeccable writing…Giffin steers clear of ‘Chick Lit’ cliché by creating characters who are not only likable and honest, but as vivid and real as your closest friends…. Delightful and captivating.”

  —Austin Fit magazine

  For my father, with gratitude

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  A Reading Group Guide

  Preview: Love the One You’re With

  Preview: Something Blue

  Preview: Something Borrowed

  Acknowledgments

  Coming Soon by Emily Giffin

  One

  I never wanted to be a mother. Even when I was a little girl, playing dolls with my two sisters, I assumed the role of the good Aunt Claudia. I would bathe and diaper and cradle their plastic babies and then be on my way, on to more exciting pursuits in the backyard or basement. Grown-ups called my position on
motherhood “cute”—flashing me that same knowing smile they give little boys who insist that all girls have cooties. To them, I was just a spunky tomboy who would someday fall in love and fall in line.

  Those grown-ups turned out to be partially right. I did outgrow my tomboy stage and I did fall in love—several times, in fact—beginning with my high school boyfriend, Charlie. But when Charlie gazed into my eyes after our senior prom and asked me how many children I wanted, I reported a firm “zero.”

  “None?” Charlie looked startled, as if I had just confessed to him a terrible, dark secret. “Why not?”

  I had a lot of reasons, which I laid out that night, but none that satisfied him. Charlie wasn’t alone. Of the many boyfriends who followed him, none seemed to understand or accept my feelings. And although my relationships ended for a variety of reasons, I always had the sense that babies were a factor. Still, I truly believed that I would someday find my guy, that one person who would love me as is, without condition, without the promise of children. I was willing to wait for him.

  But around the time I turned thirty, I came to terms with the fact that I might wind up alone. That I might never have that gut feeling when you know you’ve found the One. Instead of feeling sorry for myself or settling for something less than extraordinary, I focused my energy on things I could more easily control—my career as an editor at a big publishing company, fascinating trips, great times with good friends and interesting writers, evenings of fine wine and sparkling conversation. Overall, I was content with my life, and I told myself that I didn’t need a husband to feel complete and fulfilled.

  Then I met Ben. Beautiful, kind, funny Ben who seemed way too good to be true, especially after I learned that he actually shared my feelings on children. The subject came up the night we met, on a blind date orchestrated by our mutual friends, Ray and Annie. We were at Nobu, making small talk over yellowtail sashimi and rock shrimp tempura, when we became distracted by a young boy, no older than six, seated at the table next to us. The boy was ultratrendy, wearing a little black Kangol hat and a Lacoste polo with the collar turned up. His posture was ramrod straight, and he was proudly ordering his sushi, proper pronunciation and all, with no input from his parents. Clearly this was not his first trip to Nobu. In fact, I’d have guessed that he had eaten sushi more often than grilled-cheese sandwiches.

  Ben and I watched him, smiling in the way people often smile at children and puppies, when I blurted out, “If you have to have kids, that’s certainly the kind to have.”

  Ben leaned across the table and whispered, “You mean one with a bowl cut and a hip wardrobe?”

  “No. The kind that you can take to Nobu on a school night,” I said matter-of-factly. “I’m not interested in eating chicken fingers at T.G.I. Friday’s. Ever.”

  Ben cleared his throat and smirked. “So you don’t want to live in the suburbs and eat at Friday’s or you don’t want kids?” he asked, as I noticed his slight, sexy underbite.

  “Neither. Both. All of the above,” I said. Then, just in case I hadn’t been clear enough, I added for good measure, “I don’t want to eat at Friday’s, I don’t want to live in the suburbs, and I don’t want kids.”

  It was a lot to put out there so soon, particularly at our age. Ben and I were both thirty-one—old enough to place the issue of kids firmly on most men’s list of taboo topics for first dates. Taboo assuming you want kids, that is. If you don’t want them, then raising the topic is akin to announcing that you are close friends with Anna Kournikova and that you and she enjoy three-ways, particularly first-date three-ways. In other words, your date probably won’t view you as marriage material, but he’ll certainly be enthusiastic about dating you. Because a thirty-one-year-old woman who does not want children equals a nonpressure situation, and most bachelors relish nonpressure situations—which is why they target women in their twenties. It gives them a cushion, some breathing room.

  On the flip side, I knew I could be automatically disqualified for long-term consideration as I had with so many guys in my recent past. After all, most people—women and men—view not wanting kids as a deal breaker. At the very least, I risked coming across as cold and selfish, two traits that don’t top the list of “what every man wants.”

  But in the messy world of dating, I had grown to favor candor at the expense of positioning and posturing. It was a nice advantage of not wanting kids. I wasn’t up against that infamous clock. Nor was I about checking the boxes on a blueprint of life. As a result, I could afford total honesty. Full disclosure even on first dates.

  So after I floated the kid issue out there with Ben, I held my breath, fearing that familiar, critical look. But Ben was all smiles as he exclaimed, “Neither do I!” in that jubilant and marveling tone people adopt when they’ve just stumbled upon a staggering coincidence. Like the time I ran into my third-grade teacher at a pub in London. Maybe the chances of being on a first date and discovering that neither party wants children aren’t quite as slim as sitting on a barstool on the other side of the ocean, sipping a pint, and glancing up to see a teacher you haven’t run across in two decades. But it’s certainly not every day that you can find someone who wants to have a monogamous, meaningful relationship but also opt out of the seemingly automatic choice to experience the magical world of parenthood. Ben’s expression seemed to register an understanding of all of this.

  “Have you ever noticed how couples discuss the merits of having children early versus late?” he asked me earnestly.

  I nodded as I tried to pinpoint his eye color—a pleasant combination of pale green and gray outlined with a dark ring. He was handsome, but beyond his fine nose, thick hair, and broad, muscular build was that incandescent intangible my best friend, Jess, calls the “sparkle factor.” His face was alive and bright. He was the kind of man you see on the subway and wish you knew, your eyes uncontrollably darting to his left ring finger.

  Ben continued, “And how the main feature of each scenario is freedom? The freedom that either comes early in life or late in life?”

  I nodded again.

  “Well,” he said, pausing to sip his wine. “If the best part of having kids early is getting it over with, and the best part about having kids late is putting off the drudgery, doesn’t it follow that not having kids at all is the best of both worlds?”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” I said, raising my glass to toast his philosophy. I envisioned us defying the forces of nature together (the stuff about man wanting to sow his seed and woman wanting to grow life inside of her) and bucking the rules of society that so many of my friends were blindly following. I knew I was getting way ahead of myself, imagining all of this with a man I had just met, but by the time you reach thirty-one, you know immediately if a guy has potential or not. And Ben had potential.

  Sure enough, the rest of our dinner went exceptionally well. No awkward lulls in the conversation, no red flags or annoying mannerisms. He asked thoughtful questions, gave good answers, and sent interested but not eager signals. So I invited him back to my apartment for a drink—something I never do on a first date. Ben and I did not kiss that night, but our arms touched as he flipped through a photo album on my coffee table. His skin felt electric against mine, and I had to catch my breath every time he turned a page.

  The next day Ben called me just as he said he would. I was giddy when his name lit up my caller ID, and even more so when he announced, “I just wanted to tell you that that was far and away the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

  I laughed and said, “I agree. In fact, it was better than most of my second, third, and fourth dates.”

  We ended up talking for nearly two hours, and when we finally said good-bye, Ben said what I had just been thinking—that the call felt more like five minutes. That he could talk to me forever. One can hope, I remember thinking.

  Then came the sex. We only waited two weeks, which went against all the standard advice from friends, family, and magazine articles. It wasn’t so much
that I had to be with him in any urgent, lustful sense (although that was certainly part of it). It was more that I saw no reason to squander a single night together. When I know something is right, I believe in going for it, head-on. Sure enough, our first time was neither quick nor awkward nor tentative, the usual hallmarks of first times. Instead, our bodies fit together just right, and Ben knew what I liked without having to ask. It was the kind of sex that makes you wish you were a songwriter or poet. Or at least a woman who keeps a journal, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid, but a practice I promptly began the day after we made love.

  Ben and I quickly discovered that we had a lot more in common than our view on children, and a lot more binding us together than our crazy chemistry. We had a similar background. We both grew up in New York with two older sisters and parents who divorced late in the game. We were both hardworking, high achievers who were passionate about our careers. Ben was an architect and loved buildings as much as I loved books. We enjoyed traveling to obscure places, eating exotic food, and drinking a little too much. We loved movies and bands that were slightly offbeat without straining to be intellectual. We relished sleeping in on the weekends, reading the paper in bed, and drinking coffee into the evening hours. We were the same combination of clean freak and messy, of sentimental and pragmatic. We both had come to believe that short of something magical, relationships weren’t worth the trouble.

  In short, we fell in love, everything clicking in place. And it wasn’t the one-sided delusional happiness that comes when a woman wants desperately to believe that she’s found her guy. Our relationship was so satisfying and honest and real that at some point I started to believe that Ben was my soul mate, the one person I was supposed to be with. It was a concept I had never believed in before Ben.